2013

So we all survived 2012, the World didn't end and life as we all know it went on. The time never stood still, meteors didn't coming crashing to the Earth (although I heard on the radio that there may be a meteor fall this week - so heads up) and Godzilla didn't eat us all. Yes, we are still standing and yes, we are now almost in March. How time flies, they all say.

9Gag Baby

With that said, let's look at it like this, we're all still alive so let's live our lives with a purpose. Make every day a day to remember. For myself this year is all about change - I want to continue my beautiful spiritual journey with God, I want to be the best student and student assistant that I can be, I want to see Gershwin, myself and my friends graduate and I want to see all those I know have a successful year ahead. And no, this post is not about my resolutions, because I don't believe human beings should limit themselves to resolutions, we should rather live each day as it comes. And besides, if these were my resolutions, they'd be a bit too late.

This post is rather about what I want to achieve through the help of God, my family and friends. I know and have full confidence that I will graduate at the end of this year and I know that I will get into the Honours programme I desire. This is my year for achievements, a year to make permanent changes, that will continue to benefit me in years to come. This will be the year where I make lasting friends and this is the year that I will strive to keep them. I will also continue to keep my head above water and stay positive through everything, no matter how rough things may become, what's the point of stressing when I know things are out of my control.

So I am a new me, a new Lisa, not completely, but enough to make a difference.

Becoming a Godparent (and its lessons)

On 23 September 2012 I became a godparent which means I am somehow a parent, even though not directly. If I think about it, it’s all a little daunting for my very young, 21-year-old self – if my godson’s parents should pass away or become so irresponsible that he has to be taken away from them then he ultimately is my responsibility, and yes, I’ll have an instant child (without having to fall pregnant or give birth).

Some would say this is the ideal way to become a parent without all the hardships of motherhood, often referring to the process of giving birth and dealing with what was meant to be a bundle of joy, but is now a screaming, pink thing. You see, I actually want all of that – I want to feel the baby inside me, seeing how the baby and my belly grow (and not caring about my expanding waistline), and despite all the traumatic stories I’ve heard about childbirth from family and friends I want to give birth to my baby. I want to experience it all, maybe not 6 times, but I definitely want to experience pregnancy and childbirth at least twice in my life. I want to experience it all because of the mothers I know, my mother once told me that after you give birth all the pain just disappears when you see your new-born baby - I've heard that that moment is the only time in your life when you will experience love at first sight.

However, becoming a godmother and having to babysit my godson has been a blessing for me in so many ways and has taught me so much about babies and children.  Many times I have had to babysit my godson and his older sister (who is four going on thirty), especially during the time when their mother was burnt after a hot water bottle burst – she had third degree burns from just above her lower back up to the middle of her back. Looking after a four-month-old baby and very active and bossy four-year-old had proved to be very difficult for her, especially after a trip to the day hospital. This is when she asked me to look after them.

The four-year-old was easy to look after and very easy to please, all she wanted was some hot chocolate and toasted cheese. My godson, on the other hand, proved to be the child that would be more challenging to take care of. He would arrive at 7AM, very happy to see me – he would leap from his mother’s arms but after an hour or so he would realise that his mother wasn’t back yet, this realisation would be followed by incessant crying and sometimes screaming. In the time that I would babysit I was unable to eat, drink, wash or even use the loo and some days his mother would be at the hospital for 6 hours or more. During these few weeks I felt so depressed and useless, because I didn’t know what to do when he cried so much – sometimes I would cry too. During this time Gershwin, who is the other godparent, would visit me and look completely lost just as I was feeling. 

I think we both realised at this point that having children so young would be a nightmare, especially when you are inexperienced and haven’t handled babies extensively (and don't have money for all their needs). During those few days I also realised how real postnatal depression is and how it can become a real problem when you have no idea what to do. In some instances new mothers have killed their babies when they cannot keep them quiet. This is sad, but true. And yes, all mothers will experience "baby blues", but PND is scary and will only be alleviated with anti-depressants and therapy. 

This blog post was not meant to be negative, but it is rather just my way of expressing how much I have learned about motherhood and how real the issues new mothers face really are. This journey has also showed me how important a partner is when having a new baby. In the six weeks before the baptism, Gershwin and I, along with our godson's parents, had to attend baptism classes on a weekly basis. Whilst in these classes I saw mothers who were single parents and how sad they looked when all the others came as a couple, happy that they are new parents.  With a new baby and parenthood comes many challenges, and single parenthood doesn’t make these challenges any easier. It is so sad when the father ups and leaves before the baby even arrives or when things get a bit too rough. Also, there is a growing trend where the mother either leaves the baby with the father or simply abandons the baby, disposing of a precious life like it is a piece of dirt. Yes, PND could be the reason in mothers, but in some cases it’s just pure cowardice behaviour. And these parents must remember that no baby is a mistake and you cannot run away from it, but you can ensure that that baby has the best life you or adoptive parents can give it. 

When I think of this I remember how my mother always tells me, “It is all part of God’s greater plan for you”. With this in mind Jeremiah 29:11 resonates for me,” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This was said to my friend at his farewell gathering, but it has been in my mind since that evening and I believe it can be applied to this situation and to life. Not just for young parents, graduates or people living and work abroad, but for everyone.

The thrills of getting inked for the first time.

I have wanted a tattoo for a very long time and for the last three years I have changed my mind about what I want several times. However, I have always wanted a meaningful tattoo that I won't regret in years to come and on a spot on my body that will never really age. I always knew I would opt for my wrist or the back of my neck.

Eventually I decided that I didn't want a picture either but rather meaningful words.

Option 1: "Faith, Hope, Love" in a circular pattern on the back of my neck. But that tattoo was fast becoming a trend and quite frankly, a bit of a fad.

Option 2: "Believe" on my left wrist. However, when I made this design my BBM display picture someone else decided to steal it for their tattoo design. So I sat with a dilemma and decided to make it more meaningful.

Option 3: I went back to the "Faith, Hope, Love" idea, but decided to take it out of a Bible verse that included these words - 1 Corinthians 13: 13 which means "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" (NIV).

Option 4: A year after choosing option 3 I was sitting in church one Sunday when our priest made reference to Psalm 23 throughout his sermon. The message of his sermon and the words from Psalm 23 really stuck in my head and I decided on that day, 2 months ago, that this would be my tattoo of choice.

On that Sunday I Googled lettering options for "Psalm 23" and came up with a design. On 24 July 2012 I visted Disciples Ink in Stellenbosch with my design in tow and they quoted me R300 for the tattoo because of its size. I went home that evening and discussed it with my family - my mom and sister didn't like the idea of me getting a tattoo on my wrist or neck and my dad was pretty chilled as always.

I drew R150 from my account on 1 August 2012 and put it away, and on 14 August 2012 my dad gave me all his old change and it amounted to almost R50. I just needed another R100 and then I could go ahead and make my appointment. On 17 August 2012 my mom gave me R100 and the following Monday I made my tattoo appointment for 29 August 2012.

Disciples Ink, Stellenbosch

I was never nervous at all and all I wondered about was the pain factor. So many people were telling me that I would cry and need to hold somebody's hand, some even went so far as to tell me I'm not brave enough to get a tattoo. But yesterday I proved everyone wrong and I think some people are still in a bit of shock.

My friend, Souad, was the most excited for me though and she couldn't wait for my appointment to arrive. I found it so cute that she was actually very nervous yesterday - to the point that she was literally shaking. She kept asking me if I'm okay and said that if I felt faint I should tell her. But I was feeling the complete opposite emotions to hers - I was cool, calm and not collected, but very excited! I couldn't contain my excitement and the adrenalin rush was amazing.

When I arrived I had to sign a release form and pay at the front of the shop. I handed over my design and the guy at the front desk made a special photo copy. He then sprayed a Dettol liquid on my arm, placed the stencil of the design on my arm and rubbed it until the design remained in the position I wanted it.

The stencil - 29 August 2012

After the stencil had dried, Johnathan, the tattoo artist had me sit on the comfortable chair as he explained what he would do and sterilised the area where he would be doing my tattoo.

When he began I expected a sharp, consistent pain but what I felt was something else. It felt awesome! My adrenalin was rushing and I felt no pain. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Afterwards they took pictures of the tattoo, wrapped it up and gave me aftercare instructions. All-in-all that was one of the best experiences of my life and I am so thankful that Souad came along to show her support and take some cool pictures. 

After being tattooed.

My tattoo is beautiful and it will have so much meaning to me and my life for as long as I live.

Psalm 23

This morning, 30 August 2012

A psalm of David.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever (NIV).

Me and surprises...

I really don't do well with surprises! Not at all... I can keep secrets, yes. And I am extremely trustworthy but often I will hint too much when it comes to big surprises.

So, Gershwin's 21st is in 2 weeks time and keeping all the little surprises I have in store hidden from him was difficult at first but is now proving to be quite fun and exciting! I watched his face tonight as he watched his favourite soccer team in action and smiled because I know that once he sees all his surprises his smile will be EVEN wider than it was this evening.

It's smiles like that, that make giving gifts, whether immaterial or not, worthwhile. 

I know I sound corny, but just watching someone open up a gift that you know they will love, is the BEST feeling in the world!  I love how their eyes widen and how their smile goes from ear-to-ear in a matter of seconds. 

From Katherine Marie's 52 Smiles - katherinemaries.com

Those are the little things in life I love to see - happy people - and happy because of something I did for them. Even if it's just a simple BBM, inbox, email, hug, a visit or surprising them with a batch of cupcakes.

You live and you learn...

Turns out my little bout of sickness for the last six months was in fact Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), which is triggered by stress and/or anxiety. Now I am someone who does not show their stress or anxiety externally - to everyone I am happy and cheerful, occasionally moody but I blame that on PMS - because I simply internalise this stress and anxiety, ultimately making myself sick. 

I stress about everything and I get frights for anything and everything - for real - someone raises their voice a little too much and I get a fright. It seems so funny to everyone but inside I'm actually feeling so much fear for those few seconds. Besides the frights, I stress about the fact that people I know are acting in ways that will be detrimental to their characters - making them appear rude, arrogant or obnoxious. When it gets to boiling point I always end up taking it out on Gersh, even though he is not at fault. However, being the amazing person that he is, he will hear me out and let me cry about it, if I must. 

I just cannot ignore things, I don't like letting things be. I especially hate when I can see how things will only get worse, but Gershwin being an extremely wise person will always offer me words of encouragement when things go seem to be going downhill. One day I was at breaking point and you know what he tells me? He says to ignore others, ignore their ill-mannered ways, ignore their mood swings and simply worry about myself only. He told me to put myself first. Since that day I have done what he has said, but the anxiety did not disappear because the things around me still bothered me subconsciously and actually made me sick.

I now have a run-down immune system because I haven't eaten properly in 6 weeks, this has led to me having a very bad bout of flu - so bad that I can't even breathe at night - but I have now learnt that sometimes I cannot and should not make other people's issues, bad attitudes or ill-manners my problem. It is theirs to sort out and if they have to learn the hard way, then so be it.

Today, I feel fives time better than I did last week and slowly that five will rise to 100. I realise now that in order for me to be healthy again I need to stay happy, positive and surround myself with love. My mother and Gershwin have both told me to not worry with others, and they let me vent which is all I sometimes need.

Through all of this I have learnt that anxiety and stress are unnecessary and bad for my health so from now on I will live for me, putting myself on top of my list. 

And no, I am not a pessimist - I am just a happy person who cares too much about others.

Elimination Diet is over but new problems have arrived...

So it's been four weeks since starting the elimination diet and after losing a few kilos I decided to indulge this past weekend - BAD IDEA! I felt really awesome all weekend, I even went to Spur, had burgers, chips and lots of cake and on Monday I had a yummy pumpkin fritter my sister made. To my horror the pumpkin fritter was drenched in oil and since that evening I have been experiencing intense indigestion.

My mom gave a homemade remedy to aid it and I've been at home all day (well, in the toilet actually) and everything I eat makes me REALLY full. I have only had two meals though, a slice of toast and a grilled chicken wrap with salad, yet I feel like I've eaten a whole host of fast foods.

I decided to write down everything I've eaten today and exactly how it is making me feel. This is such a gross experience and I can only hope that it will improve very soon.

Week 1: Elimination Diet

On Monday I visited the doctor for a check-up and to my horror I have been put on an elimination diet - it literally means eliminating foods and beverages that could aggravate my digestive problems. So either I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), which is aggravated by stress or I have a food intolerance. Now to ensure I do not get an ulcer I have to eat super healthy and make sure I stay away from tomatoes (or anything tomato-based), onions, spicy foods, gas soft drinks, alcohol and coffee. I wanted to cry when I heard that list! I absolutely love spicy foods (especially jalapeno poppers, spicy curries and chillies in olive oil and garlic) and coffee - freshly brewed filter coffees and cappuccinos being my favourite. I thought the first month would be difficult, turns out the first week has been horrid - I have serious withdrawal symptoms and only for coffee!

The only plus from this elimination diet is that I have already lost 1kg in this week. Will update you all as the elimination draws to a close and the weight melts off as I was instructed to start exercising again.

Wish me luck!