Becoming a Godparent (and its lessons)

On 23 September 2012 I became a godparent which means I am somehow a parent, even though not directly. If I think about it, it’s all a little daunting for my very young, 21-year-old self – if my godson’s parents should pass away or become so irresponsible that he has to be taken away from them then he ultimately is my responsibility, and yes, I’ll have an instant child (without having to fall pregnant or give birth).

Some would say this is the ideal way to become a parent without all the hardships of motherhood, often referring to the process of giving birth and dealing with what was meant to be a bundle of joy, but is now a screaming, pink thing. You see, I actually want all of that – I want to feel the baby inside me, seeing how the baby and my belly grow (and not caring about my expanding waistline), and despite all the traumatic stories I’ve heard about childbirth from family and friends I want to give birth to my baby. I want to experience it all, maybe not 6 times, but I definitely want to experience pregnancy and childbirth at least twice in my life. I want to experience it all because of the mothers I know, my mother once told me that after you give birth all the pain just disappears when you see your new-born baby - I've heard that that moment is the only time in your life when you will experience love at first sight.

However, becoming a godmother and having to babysit my godson has been a blessing for me in so many ways and has taught me so much about babies and children.  Many times I have had to babysit my godson and his older sister (who is four going on thirty), especially during the time when their mother was burnt after a hot water bottle burst – she had third degree burns from just above her lower back up to the middle of her back. Looking after a four-month-old baby and very active and bossy four-year-old had proved to be very difficult for her, especially after a trip to the day hospital. This is when she asked me to look after them.

The four-year-old was easy to look after and very easy to please, all she wanted was some hot chocolate and toasted cheese. My godson, on the other hand, proved to be the child that would be more challenging to take care of. He would arrive at 7AM, very happy to see me – he would leap from his mother’s arms but after an hour or so he would realise that his mother wasn’t back yet, this realisation would be followed by incessant crying and sometimes screaming. In the time that I would babysit I was unable to eat, drink, wash or even use the loo and some days his mother would be at the hospital for 6 hours or more. During these few weeks I felt so depressed and useless, because I didn’t know what to do when he cried so much – sometimes I would cry too. During this time Gershwin, who is the other godparent, would visit me and look completely lost just as I was feeling. 

I think we both realised at this point that having children so young would be a nightmare, especially when you are inexperienced and haven’t handled babies extensively (and don't have money for all their needs). During those few days I also realised how real postnatal depression is and how it can become a real problem when you have no idea what to do. In some instances new mothers have killed their babies when they cannot keep them quiet. This is sad, but true. And yes, all mothers will experience "baby blues", but PND is scary and will only be alleviated with anti-depressants and therapy. 

This blog post was not meant to be negative, but it is rather just my way of expressing how much I have learned about motherhood and how real the issues new mothers face really are. This journey has also showed me how important a partner is when having a new baby. In the six weeks before the baptism, Gershwin and I, along with our godson's parents, had to attend baptism classes on a weekly basis. Whilst in these classes I saw mothers who were single parents and how sad they looked when all the others came as a couple, happy that they are new parents.  With a new baby and parenthood comes many challenges, and single parenthood doesn’t make these challenges any easier. It is so sad when the father ups and leaves before the baby even arrives or when things get a bit too rough. Also, there is a growing trend where the mother either leaves the baby with the father or simply abandons the baby, disposing of a precious life like it is a piece of dirt. Yes, PND could be the reason in mothers, but in some cases it’s just pure cowardice behaviour. And these parents must remember that no baby is a mistake and you cannot run away from it, but you can ensure that that baby has the best life you or adoptive parents can give it. 

When I think of this I remember how my mother always tells me, “It is all part of God’s greater plan for you”. With this in mind Jeremiah 29:11 resonates for me,” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This was said to my friend at his farewell gathering, but it has been in my mind since that evening and I believe it can be applied to this situation and to life. Not just for young parents, graduates or people living and work abroad, but for everyone.